Why I Hate Google Glass

If you thought people with Bluetooth headsets were annoying, I can’t imagine how you’re going to feel about Google Glass’ers. Walking around, talking to their fancy high-tech monocle. Mr. Peanut would roll over in his grave. (Is Mr. Peanut even dead?)

Look at the terror in that kid’s eyes. His dad has clearly become a Skynet deathbot, and he’s connected to everything we know and love.

What It Does 

Sure, you can check out the OFFICIAL “What It Does” page, but the pictures don’t really explain a whole lot. Basically, Google Glass is a headband with a piece of glass that floats in front of your eye, and listens to your every command. Think “Siri meets sunglasses.”

While you’re stumbling around with this piece of glass obstructing your vision, you can talk to it. Start by saying “okay, glass,” and it will wait for a command like “search” “record video” or “start hangout.” This is fantastic, don’t get me wrong, especially if it works. After you’ve given a command, it does whatever you’d told it to do. It takes a picture of what you see (ish). It records a video from your point of view. It begins video chatting your friends, showing them what you see.

Why I Hate It

Okay, I don’t really hate IT. I hate the idea of it, and this has nothing to do with my undying love for Apple and its products. I actually have my reasons, and here they are:

1. You’re wearing a headband with a piece of glass in front of your face! Not only do I hate wearing sunglasses for the same reason, I’d be talking to said piece of glass. It’s distracting, and it’s unsightly. You look like those Dragon Ball Z guys.
2. Data. In order for it to do anything remotely cool, it needs a data connection. And if you’re going to be running around having Google Hangouts and uploading videos to the YouTube, you’re going to need a lot of it. The world isn’t entirely wireless enabled yet, and most networks aren’t open to the public. You’ll need to purchase a monthly data plan for the thing. Knowing how much it costs to have a data plan on an iPad that’s probably connected to WiFi most of the time, this could get pricey.
3. The camera is going to suck. It’s not actually going to take a picture of whatever you see. It’ll be distorted. It’ll be distorted because the camera isn’t directly in front of your eye, and it won’t move with your eye movement either. Sure, you can see a preview of the picture, but you have to move and tilt your head to line it up correctly. Quick snapshot? Sure. Would I use it to take family photo? No.
4. Streaming video. Anything that I would do that would be worth streaming to my friends is probably too dangerous to do while wearing the thing. Am I going to ski down a mountain at Mach 6 and half? No. Would I go bridge jumping into a river? Definitely not. Besides, I want people to see ME doing those things, not what I’m seeing. And if I’m going to record someone/thing else, I’d rather be able to move the camera with my hands, not my neck.

Okay, so maybe this is the direction the world is going. We’re becoming more and more connected. It might look silly now, but once everyone has one, you’ll look silly without it. I still think it’s a long way off before it’s mainstream, and I have no problem waiting until then. Feel free to disagree with me, I’m just saying I won’t be getting one anytime soon.

(Ah, who am I kidding? I’ll get one just to say I have it.)